July is flying by and summer is not really feeling like summer this season. Granted, the weather in Berlin has been a little subpar. We’ve had plenty of rainy days and even proper storms. I am not that mad about it but that also means I didn’t manage any lake days. I am also missing Spain around this time, summer in the north of Spain just hits differently. In all honesty, I’m craving a bit of a slow summer. Do you remember those long summer days when you were a kid or a teenager or a college student that still got a summer break? Those long, lazy days that were full of sunshine, salty water, and opportunities? Those days I am craving. Days are melting away and I am feeling like I can’t grasp them long enough. Is it an age thing or is it just how 2024 is feeling for everybody?
I am trying to slow them down by cramming as many things as possible into them – waking up early to squeeze in a run or a coffee walk outside before my first meetings of the day, reading a summer novel while sipping on a homemade iced latte over my lunch break, meeting friends often, squeezing in almost daily workouts, going to the park, playing tennis and exploring new neighbourhoods and so on. I am actually not sure whether this chase is in fact doing the opposite. Perhaps it only makes the days slip faster through my fingers.
So as you can see I am doing my best to keep my intention for this summer: to live a vibrant summer. My highlight this month has been doing a really fun 5km mud run that I signed up for with my company. There were 15 obstacles – from knee-high mud that we had to crawl through from diving under muddy water – and it was really fun to do it and not too challenging. Although I did suffer a bit with the running stretches.
I want to keep it real and also say that no matter how much I fill my plate, it still feels like it’s not enough. There are days when I still come back to ground zero every now and then where I feel like I am not doing and not being enough, into a very anxious territory which feels very scary. I probably also spent too much time on social media lately and the subconscious comparison train really loaded up over time and hit me hard. Perhaps it’s also because I am outgrowing this stage of my life and I am a little anxious to jump into the next one, or perhaps it’s a sign I need to do some inner work. Perhaps both. So I’ve been taking a couple of days off work this month to allow myself to relax, reset my routines and thoughts. I spent them pouring my energy into things that bring me joy. Daily walking, gym sessions, cooking new recipes, reading in the park and also blogging. Things that I know are good for me, and that give me energy. I also came across this podcast episode from the Happy Place with Alain de Botton which I listened to while at the gym and I liked how he talked about what a healthy mind looks like, how defence mechanisms can manifest and more. By the way, listening to a podcast while at the gym is a total “me moment” so if you have any good podcast episode recommendations please share them below.
With that said, I am looking forward to a calm yet active August ahead. I am chasing easy days where I prioritise my mental health – by taking time to exercise and stay active, eat well, and steer clear of too much social media and comparisons and the likes. I also have a small trip to look forward to in August as I am going home to Bilbao to see family and hopefully squeeze in a few beach days if the weather allows.
Thoughts on Imposter Syndrome
A friend recently confessed to me that she felt like an imposter in her whole life – both professionally and personally. And it broke my heart a little. She is a smart, successful young woman, and while self-doubt is normal and I’d say even a healthy feeling at times, labelling your whole life with “imposter syndrome” is a bit more extreme.
In the last few years, the talk about imposter syndrome has intensified. Everyone loves to throw it out there. And it does feel like some people are indiscriminately labelling every single feeling of discomfort or inadequacy as “imposter syndrome”. I strongly believe that attitude is doing a disservice to everyone, but especially to women. It’s somehow “trendy” to have “imposter syndrome” but not that trendy to do some further introspective work perhaps to find out what really sits behind the surface.
I too identified with the term a few years back. When I first heard the term of “imposter syndrome” I thought it was spot on. The answer I had been waiting for all along. It describes so accurately this feeling that many women go through as they advance throughout their careers. That thought of not being “good enough”. That thought that many of us toyed with since childhood or teenage years, and now in the professional world we simply call it “imposter syndrome” and say it’s normal. But as the years have passed, I don’t believe in “impostor syndrome” anymore. At least not in the context that so many people seem to be using it lately. I think it’s becoming yet another gatekeeping tool used by many, and especially impacting women.
The official definition is as follows: “Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their skills, talents, or accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.” And I do believe that there are some people that will experience it. People that despite a long list of achievements and accomplishments that prove otherwise, would still discount their skills and capabilities. That is not what I am doubting.
My problem with it is how it’s used across (social) media, and how it’s often a “label” for professional and successful women. It’s almost a requirement that any successful woman has to feel inadequate in order to somehow validate her success. Yes, you might have worked hard and achieved a lot, but there is no way you can possibly feel too comfortable in your skin and in your abilities. And this really bothers me. My issue is that it has become a sort of a blanket statement for everything that might not go your way in the workplace or else. It’s become a label way too easy to apply to everything A bandaid of sorts. And applying it to every situation makes us not look further in and understand what really lies underneath. We just cover the scratch and assume it will do the work of healing and fixing. But simply labelling things as “imposter syndrome” is not going to magically fix everything. You still have to examine the wound, and understand what caused it so you can take the right steps – maybe it needs a simple disinfection or maybe it needs a tetanus shot. But you gotta do the work to understand what it takes to fix it instead of just putting a band-aid atop.
It’s the same with our shortcomings that we might all feel in the workplace sometimes. We have to make sure we understand the areas that make us feel insecure or unsure about our skills and make sure we understand and address them. Is it that you are in a new role or career stage that requires completely new skills? Or perhaps you are simply on a new project and you have to learn new ways to solve problems? What got you there, might not get you forward anymore, and that is alright. But that does not mean you have impostor syndrome. That means you are growing and learning and reaching new stages of personal and career growth.
It’s okay to feel self-doubt every now and then. It’s okay to feel like you’re not there yet. Especially in times of intense learning. Perhaps you got a new job or you’ve been exposing yourself to new experiences and new challenges. Give yourself some grace and some patience to learn and to grow but don’t just label it as “imposter syndrome”.
So my advice is, next time you feel “like an imposter” try to look a little deeper. What feeling exactly is it that describes your situation better? And more importantly what actions can you take to address it so you don’t spiral into a perpetual state of feeling inadequate whenever a change, challenge or opportunity arises? Next time you’re thinking you’re experiencing it try to dissect and unpack the feeling. What is it exactly that’s making you feel that way? Perhaps there is a totally different emotion, with a totally different action needed.
Let’s not normalise feeling inadequate – especially as women but not only. Let’s bring a bit of mindfulness back into our lives and recognise that we’re enough. It’s time to start becoming comfortable with our own successes, failures and everything else in between. It’s time to own our journeys and acknowledge our growth. Everyone’s a work in progress. So it’s totally fine to doubt and to feel discomfort at times.
What I am buying
A minimal yet elevated matching set. I love a good pyjama-like matching set for summer, and this one from H&M checks all the boxes. From the minimal yet elevated pattern to the relaxed vibes and of course the friendly price. I like that the trousers have a good and relaxed cut and are not too transparent, and the top does just what it needs to. Matching sets are one of my favourite types of outfits, especially for summer. Easy to wear yet always chic and elegant.
Uniqlo denim shorts. I grabbed these (long) denim shorts in grey from Uniqlo recently and I love them. They have a longer leg than the usual denim shorts do and I love them for a quick coffee walk. I also quite like the version in white which would look perfect for a vacation look. I paired my grey version with a white t-shirt (I swear by the men’s version also from Uniqlo) and a grey cardigan (again, also Uniqlo) over the weekend and I loved the casual look.
A summer tote. You know I had the Loewe anagram basket bag on my wishlist but I kept struggling when it came to justifying buying a straw bag that would potentially not stand the test of time. The last straw – pun intended – to my decision was seeing the review done by Helena from Brooklyn Blonde and I was not too happy about it. Although I have no beach to go to, I’ve been researching other options because I really want to add something relaxed to my wardrobe. I’ve been seeing the Demellier straw bag everywhere as of late and while it does look pretty and it caught my eye, I have to say it does not look sturdy at all. While checking out what was new on Net-a-porter I came across a brand called Dragon Diffusion, which was totally new to me. After a bit of research and watching a bunch of reviews, I made my pick. They work leather so beautifully that I could not resist, so I ordered the Nantucket model which I am patiently waiting for to arrive.
What’s on my wishlist
Oran & Chypre sandals. I have been wearing both my Oran and my Chypre sandals nonstop this summer. And honestly, they’re my favourite sandals. I wear them all the time and love how they look with pretty much everything. I’d add at least one more pair of each to my wardrobe in a heartbeat if it were not for the price. My other issue with them is that they are not that comfortable for long days. They do well for normal days – going to the office, running errands and so on – but not for those more intense days with a full day of walking. Which by the way is fine by me, they don’t have to do it all and that is why I have the below item also on my wishlist.
Day-to-day sandals. I am also on the lookout for a summer sandal with straps for more intense day-to-day wear. I found this Australian brand A.Emery and they have gorgeous sandals. In love with this pair. I also love these from Marni; cream is such a great option. Last but not least, the Birkenstock Cannes model is also gorgeous.
What I’m reading
Atomic Habits. I’ve picked this one up again, and I am hoping to finish it this summer. I’m planning to finish with a few notes and highlights that I can also share in the next Monthly Edit.
The Darlings. Among my summer reads, I picked this one up when I was in New York because I wanted to have a few books set in the city. It’s something I love to do when I travel. I didn’t manage to read it while there so I am barely finishing it now. It follows the story of a wealthy New York family during the 2008 financial crisis and while it was an ok read, it didn’t really live up to my expectations, so I would not recommend it.
What else
Do yourself a favour and bake a lemon pound cake. I had a few too many eggs in the fridge the other day and to put them to good use I thought I could bake something. Google saved me and I found this pound cake recipe and it turned out so good. I actually adjusted some of the ingredients (I skipped the milk because I forgot about it, reduced the amount of butter and sugar, which I also substituted for brown sugar) and it still turned delicious. I decided to also add some lemon zest because I love lemon cakes and it was perfection. So easy to make and so delicious and perfect for summer days.
What’s new on the blog
Goyard St Louis Tote GM Review. I posted a very thorough review of the Goyard St Louis GM tote this month that took me forever to write. I shared all the details in terms of how I made my decision, sizing and most importantly, wear and tear.
Six Essential Skills to Build Early On In Your Career | Corporate Starter Kit. I have also shared a little post on the top six skills I would prioritise building if I were to start my working life or career all over again. They’re the top things that come to mind when I think about what would help me move forward in a fast yet sustainable way that aligns with my health and wellbeing goals.
That’s it from me in this edition. Thank you for reading and I hope you are getting everything you are wishing for out of this summer, be it relaxed and chilled days or days filled with endless plans and activities. Have it your way and enjoy it!